Three Things I Admire

My good friend and colleague, Carolyn, died today. I’ve thought about all the things that I’ve learned from her over the years. I’m so grateful for the things that she taught me. Here are my top three things that I admire about Carolyn:

1.    Our Wound is Our Gift.

Carolyn really understood that our "wound" is our gift. The greater our struggles and challenges, the more we have to give to others when we learn the lessons that those challenges provided. We become inspirations and models as well as teachers and guides. We are not here just for ourselves, but for something much greater.

She was an alcoholic who relapsed a number of times over a period of thirty years. She had a necklace made of dozens of 30-day chips from Alcoholics Anonymous. (Chips are the little circular pieces of plastic that you receive at an AA meeting when you’ve had thirty days of sobriety.) She became a drug and alcohol counselor because she REALLY understood addictions. And she helped thousands of alcoholics and addicts. She was loved by everyone. And she knew that she was no better than anyone else because of her wound.

2.    A Positive Attitude is a Choice.

I really admired Carolyn’s joie de vivre. Even as she was dying, she joked and laughed with us. She knew how to handle the stress. She wasn’t about to suddenly become depressed about dying. I can’t remember a time when Carolyn wasn’t excited about life. I believe she was able to be so happy because she worked on having a positive attitude and was fully present. She didn’t have a negative story running through her mind, like, “This is just awful.” She could always put a positive spin on any event that appeared to be negative.

3.    It's Not About the Money.

Even though Carolyn lived on social security, she was rich. She didn’t have money, but she was rich in friendships, rich in laughter, rich with stories, rich in experiences. She placed little value on money and lots of value on what really counts in life. We will miss her.

Enabled or Disabled?

When you're the parent of a substance abuser, it's often difficult to decide what to do. On the one hand, you love your child (no matter how old they are) and want to do everything possible to help your child, particularly if they seem to be missing some basic life skills (such as budgeting their money or paying their bills on time).  On the other hand, you don't want to enable them to continue to use drugs or drink alcohol. Addictions can be tricky. Let me give you a real-life example:

My oldest brother began to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol in high school. Marijuana came shortly after that. My parents often didn't know what to do. Naturally, they did the best that they could, but it wasn’t enough. When he was eighteen, my brother joined the Marines. Five painful years later, he was discharged. He had a habit of going AWOL and had to make up his time for doing so. When my dad was assigned by the military to work in Taiwan, they had little time to decide what to do with my twenty-something brother.

Weeks before my parents were to be transferred to Taiwan for two years, they set my adult brother up in an apartment in Denver and found a job for him working in a gas station two blocks away from his new apartment. They asked themselves, "Are we enabling him?" Two years later when they returned, my brother was nowhere to be found. The gas station owner said that he only showed up for a few weeks before he took off. We saw him a few times over the next decade. He would visit for a week or two, and then leave. We knew that he was struggling with substance abuse and alcoholism, but we didn't know that substance abuse and mental illness are often associated with each other.

When we saw him, he would talk about the voices in his head that told him what to do. Clearly he was in need of psychiatric help. But this was the 70s, and my parents weren’t very tuned in to seeking help. Jim talked about riding the rails (as a bum) all over the USA. He introduced us to some of his very interesting homeless friends, who also heard voices. He tried a few jobs over the years, but never stayed with a job. He needed to be free. And he needed to do what the voices told him to do.

Then my parents moved again and there was no way to notify Jim. So we lost touch with him for twenty-five years. Twenty-five years! When my sister located him through the Salvation Army, we were all grateful.

My brother is schizophrenic. Thank heavens he now lives with my widowed dad and they take care of each other. My parents took him in and made sure that he got enough to eat each day. He’s clearly disabled, but doing well as long as he takes his medications (which he does as a condition of living there). He no longer smokes, drinks, or uses illicit drugs. This was also a condition of living at home. And Jim was just plain tired of living the life of a homeless man. He was in sad shape when we found him—thin, toothless, and frightened.

So, what do parents do when they have an adult substance abusing child who clearly needs help? Talk to a professional….at length. You've got to figure out if your loved one is disabled or enabled. It's too difficult for a family to try to make these kind of distinctions on their own. There are often no easy answers. Boundaries and rules need to be clearly defined. Love needs to be shown. A contract needs to be made in many cases. But I’m here to tell you, there are often very happy endings. Good luck and God bless.

A Brief History of Transcendental Meditation

Transcendental meditation is a relatively new form of meditating in comparison with Yoga and Buddhist meditation. It was developed by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in 1957 as a way of developing the mind so that a person can rise above, or “transcend”, beyond the noise and stress of daily life. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was a student of the famous Hindu Guru, Swami Brahmananda Saraswati. From 1958 onwards, he travelled the world teaching his spiritual regeneration and enlightenment.

Transcendental meditation had its beginnings in the Far East and then spread to the western world. After three years of travelling and teaching, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi realized that he needed to train his followers so that they could spread this form of meditation even further.

The first international training course was held in Rishikesh, India in 1961. As more and more people all over the world realized the benefits of this form of meditation, scientists began researching it and by 1970 the first scientific papers were published espousing the technique. Since then there have been hundreds of such documents published, all of which show that transcendental meditation:

• helps to reduce the stress levels in the body leading to overall good health
• helps to reduce anxiety
• helps to increase a person’s creativity
• helps to heighten the intelligence level of the meditator
• brings about self-realization
• could actually help you to live longer

Transcendental meditation does not have any religious affiliation, but it did have a political association in the Natural Law Party. This political party was formed in 1992 with the goal of using the principles of the meditation as a way of finding ways to solve the problems of society – crime, injustice, economics and environmental issues.

A basic transcendental meditation courses are generally expensive and in spite of the high cost, an estimated five million people all over the world have taken these courses. There are also advanced courses available for extra costs. This process of meditation is relatively easy to learn in the seven-step procedure used in the four days of the course. Each day begins with a two hour lecture and the instruction starts with a ceremony performed by the instructor after which the students learn the technique and start practicing.

The principle behind the technique of transcendental meditation is that the source of all thoughts is the deepest level of the subconscious and is far beyond what the normal senses can experience.  In this meditation, the practitioner takes one thought or sound and focuses on this so that it can be experienced in the deepest possible way.

The Maharishi compared it to a bubble of water that starts deep in the water and is only visible when it reaches the surface. He said that our thoughts are the same way – they start in the subconscious and rise to the conscious level of the mind.

In January, 2008, the Maharishi retired as the chairman of the transcendental meditation organization. He passed away the following month in Vlodrop, Netherlands, where he had lived for almost 20 years, coordinating his centers of teaching through an organization known as the Global Country of World Peace.

Treating Different Types of Anxiety

There are many different types of anxiety disorders, each of which requires a specific anxiety treatment. Some of the different types that commonly affect a large number of people include:

• panic disorder
• obsessive-compulsive disorder
• generalized anxiety disorder
• social anxiety
• phobias of different items, situations, and locations

There is no one anxiety treatment that works for all of these types, which is why a health care professional has to assess the client to determine the type of anxiety he/she is suffering from. While the symptoms of anxiety may be the same, this does not mean that the same treatment will be effective for different individuals. Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and it is possible that no treatment is needed.

It is quite common for people to become worried or anxious about a specific situation. When they know what they are worried about, do not worry excessively, and recognize the symptoms of anxiety for what they are, they are able to deal with their feelings and symptoms without needing any anxiety treatment from a professional.  It is when the anxiety develops into something more serious that has an effect on the client’s quality of life that a person has to seek treatment.

The doctor, health care professional, or therapist discusses the symptoms with the patient and may even interview the family of the patient to get further information. Identifying the cause of the anxiety may help determine the most effective method of treatment.  Clients who experience episodes of panic disorder are not typically able to pinpoint anything in particular that triggers these episodes that strike without warning.

Choosing the method of anxiety treatment for such a client is usually done with a consultation between the counselor and the client. In some cases, a doctor may prescribe medication which is used as a short term treatment and the client is reassessed at regular intervals. Clients with OCD--obsessive compulsive disorder (having an uncontrollable need to repeat an action over and over) often need medication. Antidepressants are the most commonly prescribed medications for this type of anxiety.

Clients with OCD also have disturbing thoughts, which are called obsessions. Medication is often prescribed to help the client feel better about different situations and to help control the thoughts. However, the most effective anxiety treatment for this disorder has been cognitive behavior therapy.  This treatment helps to retrain the brain to respond in a different manner so that the person no longer feels compelled to repeat certain actions.

Anxiety treatment for generalized anxiety disorder involves teaching the patients techniques of self-help in which they can recognize the symptoms of panic and anxiety and calm themselves, thus reducing the symptoms. The treatment can consist of practicing daily relaxation techniques, making changes to one’s lifestyle and practicing meditation.  There are also three types of medication prescribed for this type of anxiety, which include anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants.

Psychological counseling is also used as anxiety treatment for those suffering from social anxiety. At times, depending on how debilitating the disorder is in a patient, antidepressants may be prescribed to help reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Phobias are usually treated with exposure therapy in which the client is exposed to the source of the fear with increasing frequency until the client is able to cope when presented with the object, situation, or location.