Varieties of Parental Denial About Teenage Drug Abuse
March 14, 2009 by Kathie Keeler
Filed under Parents of Substance Abusers
- Minimizing-- “It’s not so bad. He only smokes pot.”
- Accepting the Con-- Your child manipulates you. You choose to believe him or her.
- Ignoring the Advice of “outsiders” “It’s none of their business.”
- The Blame Game--(to your ex) “I hope you’re happy now. Look what you’ve done to your son.”
- Looking for Another Cause--“Tell me it’s anything but drugs.” A learning disability, depression, a health problem, ADHD
- Kids Will Be Kids--“When I was his age, I used drugs, too. I turned out OK.”
- Everything’s Fine-- If I ignore this situation, maybe it will all go away.
- Rationalizing “He’s had a hard life because he has diabetes.”
Sometimes when parents come out of the fog of denial, they become very hard on themselves and start blaming themselves excessively. For those parents who are blaming themselves, my advice is this:
Stop!
It won't help the situation to blame yourself. Did you bend her little elbow to take that first drink? Did you hold his fingers to hold that first joint of marijuana? No matter what problems exist in the family, ask yourself this: WHO USED? Your teen used OF HIS OWN FREE WILL. Don’t forget that. He did it knowing that it violates values and rules in our society. He did it knowing right from wrong. He did it FEARING that he would be caught. HE did it. Not you. He didn’t do it because you were too strict with him or because his parents got a divorce or because you work too hard. He probably first did it because his friends told him it felt good and he was curious. Or maybe he just wanted to be liked. Blaming yourself will NOT help your teen.
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