Beliefs That Cause Problems

April 8, 2009 by Kathie Keeler
Filed under Anxiety

Our behavior is determined by what we believe, whether we know it or not. Anxiety, depression, sadness are all caused by what we believe.

I've listed below the eleven most common beliefs that cause problems. This list is adapted from Albert Ellis, Ph.D., one of the most important originators of cognitive-behavioral therapies. His pioneering research fifty years ago brought an enormous paradigm shift to the world of psychology.

NEGATIVE BELIEFS: ELEVEN BELIEFS THAT CAUSE PROBLEMS

1. I must be loved by everyone.

2. I must be perfect.

3. People who do things I don't like are bad people.

4. Things should be different.

5. It's your fault I feel this way.

6. Something may go wrong; I must worry about it.

7. It's too hard; I can't.

8. I need someone stronger than me to lean on.

9. I can't change.

10. You need me to fix up your life.

11. There's only one right way to do things. I must find that right way.

Now that you've had a chance to look these over, identify the ones that describe your behavior. Don't worry if you have more than one. Most of us have many of these beliefs. The antidote to the previous list is the list below. It's important that you are aware of the beliefs that will NOT cause problems.

POSITIVE BELIEFS: ELEVEN BELIEFS THAT WILL NOT CAUSE PROBLEMS

1. People don't have to love me for me to be OK. I like feeling liked, but I can survive if someone doesn't like me. I don't like everyone, so why should everyone like me? I will still choose to feel good about myself.

2. We all make mistakes. I am still a fine and worthwhile person if I make a mistake. I choose to be gentle with myself.

3. I may not like everything that someone does, but that doesn't make them a bad person. Behaviors have consequences. If someone goes to prison because they mugged someone, that's their consequence. It doesn't mean I need to ruminate about whether they're a bad person or not. I choose to not be judgmental.

4. When we don't accept things the way they are, we're fighting with reality. And that causes stress. I don't need to control things. I may prefer something different, but I choose to not stress myself over things I can't change.

5. I'm responsible for my day. I'm responsible for what I feel and what I do. If I had a good day, I deserve the credit for being positive. If I had a rotten day, I'm the one who allowed it to be that way. It's not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. I'm in charge of my life.

6. I can handle it when things go wrong. Things usually go just fine. But when they don't, I can handle it. I don't have to waste my energy worrying. The sky won't fall in; I will be OK.

7. It's important to try. I can. Even though I may be faced with difficult tasks and difficult situations, it is better to try than to avoid them. Avoiding them gives me no opportunities for success or joy, but trying does. Things worth having are worth the effort. I may not be able to do everything, but I can do some things.

8. I am capable. I don't have to look outside of myself to find strength. Sure, it's great to have friends and loved ones. But I don't need to depend on others all the time to feel good about myself and life.

9. I can change. It's silly to think that I can't. No matter what my age, I am capable of change. It may seem overwhelming at first, but I can do it.

10. Other people are capable. I don't need to fix up other people's lives to feel good about myself. They are capable. I can care and be of some help, but it's not my job to rescue others.

11. I can be flexible. There's more than one way to solve a problem. Others have valuable ideas. I can be flexible.

If you want to be happy, you must be aware of your beliefs. If you're feeling anything less than happy, you can usually trace those feelings back to one of these problem beliefs.

So, how do you go about changing your beliefs? By becoming aware of which beliefs are causing you problems and then slowly replacing the negative beliefs with positive ones. Don't expect that you'll change all them overnight. It may take months or years to do so. I suggest that you read the list of positive beliefs at least once a week. I've done just that for two decades and have changed my beliefs as a result of that practice.

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