You Teach People How to Treat You

March 8, 2009 by  
Filed under Relationship Advice

If you feel people use you, take advantage of you, or break their promises to you, then you need to make some new choices. No one wants to be victimized, but victims often don’t know how to get out of their rut. They don’t understand that they have taught people to treat them poorly by the poor treatment that they have accepted in the past.


I used to work for an employer who often asked me to work six or seven days a week on a very meager salary. I really needed the job because I was a single parent at the time. However, as much as I did not want to lose my job, there came a time when I needed to stand up for myself. My fear-based behavior acted as a lightning rod for my corporate bully boss. I took a big risk as I firmly but politely set limits with how often I would work overtime. Fortunately for me, he backed down.

Learn to Value Yourself

  • One of the easiest ways to learn to value yourself is to learn assertiveness training. When you assert yourself, you speak your truth in a kind, calm, mature manner.
  • Ask yourself, “Is this relationship a two-way street? Am I getting as much as I’m giving?” If not, time to re-think your relationships. You deserve to be treated with as much respect as what you give to others.
  • Determine your boundaries. Where do you draw the line? Claim your power so that you don’t feel victimized. Being a doormat is a self-destructive habit that can be changed.
  • Remember that every adult relationship is voluntary. Yes, I said every relationship. You get to determine how close you want to be with your sister, parent, spouse, neighbor, or boss. To a large extent, you also determine the quality of the relationship.
  • Be good to yourself. Be as kind to you as you are to others.

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

When you start treating yourself as if you are  fabulous, terrific, and wonderful, you  don’t allow others to walk on you. When you start believing that you’re a magnificent limited edition of one–unique in every way,  you put out a different energy in relationships.

If this is something that you can’t believe right now, then becoming your own best friend is really important. Because if you feel good about yourself  then other people will treat you with respect.  Remember: we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.

Please click the link here if you are looking for Therapists in Bountiful Utah?

Be Sociable, Share!


3 Comments on "You Teach People How to Treat You"

  1. Sherry on Tue, 10th Mar 2009 8:57 am 

    I have always liked this concept. I hope to remember it daily.

  2. Debi Ursery on Tue, 2nd Nov 2010 6:23 am 

    I love this post it is so true, we do have to teach people how to treat us. If we devalue ourselves we are opening the door to allow others to do the same.

  3. sis on Fri, 18th May 2012 6:31 am 

    Interesting information. Any tips or links for how to do this with a person with borderline personality?

    Remember, these people don’t react to anything you do, they react to what’s in their head and what they *think* you did. And they specialize in clinging to people, even if they claim to hate you and want you out of their life.

    Any tip is appreciated. I’m at my wit’s end!

    Great site, btw, I’m glad I found it and will be back often.

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!