Three Things I Admire

My good friend and colleague, Carolyn, died today. I’ve thought about all the things that I’ve learned from her over the years. I’m so grateful for the things that she taught me. Here are my top three things that I admire about Carolyn:

1.    Our Wound is Our Gift.

Carolyn really understood that our "wound" is our gift. The greater our struggles and challenges, the more we have to give to others when we learn the lessons that those challenges provided. We become inspirations and models as well as teachers and guides. We are not here just for ourselves, but for something much greater.

She was an alcoholic who relapsed a number of times over a period of thirty years. She had a necklace made of dozens of 30-day chips from Alcoholics Anonymous. (Chips are the little circular pieces of plastic that you receive at an AA meeting when you’ve had thirty days of sobriety.) She became a drug and alcohol counselor because she REALLY understood addictions. And she helped thousands of alcoholics and addicts. She was loved by everyone. And she knew that she was no better than anyone else because of her wound.

2.    A Positive Attitude is a Choice.

I really admired Carolyn’s joie de vivre. Even as she was dying, she joked and laughed with us. She knew how to handle the stress. She wasn’t about to suddenly become depressed about dying. I can’t remember a time when Carolyn wasn’t excited about life. I believe she was able to be so happy because she worked on having a positive attitude and was fully present. She didn’t have a negative story running through her mind, like, “This is just awful.” She could always put a positive spin on any event that appeared to be negative.

3.    It's Not About the Money.

Even though Carolyn lived on social security, she was rich. She didn’t have money, but she was rich in friendships, rich in laughter, rich with stories, rich in experiences. She placed little value on money and lots of value on what really counts in life. We will miss her.

Addiction–The Hijacked Brain

Addiction is a brain disease. Drug abuse is preventable behavior. Drug addiction is a treatable disease.  So many people think that it's a lack of willpower. But, it's not.  Addiction is a chronic, pervasive, progressive brain disease that worsens over time, devastating millions of families worldwide.

Some people are genetically more at risk than others. If you have a sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent who is addicted (to anything) , then you're at higher risk of become an addict yourself. You're vulnerable to addiction. That doesn't mean that you're doomed.

It's all about dopamine

Dopamine is released in the brain in response to, and in anticipation of, a reward—be it alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, food, or a shopping spree, to name a few rewards.  The reward center in the middle of the brain becomes overactive with usage of a substance or activity that stimulates that area.

The substance wreaks havoc with brain chemistry and structure, which can clearly be seen on brain scans. Over time with continued usage, the chronic flooding of dopamine results in the depletion and deregulation of dopamine as well as other neurotransmitters involved in stress and reward. Consequently, by the time an addiction is established, the drug brings little pleasure and only helps the user to feel temporarily ‘normal'.

The "Go System"

Deep in the brain, we all have a reward system, a pleasure center that evolved to help us to pursue rewards. This was necessary for our survival millions of years ago. When the reward system in the middle of the brain becomes active, it's as if it says, "Go! Go! Go!" Go for the drug! Go for that extra dessert! Go for the excessive alcohol! Go looking for porn on the internet! Go! Go! Go!

The "Stop System"

Another part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex or higher brain, evolved over time to help us to weigh the consequences of our decisions. It helps us to put a lid on impulsive behavior. It says, "Stop!"

The signals to the prefrontal cortex, however, tend to be a bit slower. So, we need to stop and think things out before forging ahead with an impulsive decision. To make things even more frustrating for parents, the brain isn't finished growing until we're about twenty-five or thirty years old. So we tend to have an undeveloped stop system before those ages.

The stop system in our brain says, "This is not smart to drive so fast, eat so much, or yell at a stranger." So, why doesn't it work so well with substance abuse?

The "Hijack"

Putting it in the simplest terms, the "go system" hijacks the "stop system" in the course of this brain disease called addiction. This is why addicts often lose everything before life smacks them in the face hard enough to get their attention that there is a problem--a BIG problem that they have been in denial about for quite some time.

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous begins with admitting powerlessness. From my point of view, the hijacked brain contributes to powerlessness. When addicts/alcoholics say that they can control their usage despite evidence to the contrary (that friends and family can clearly see), they are not understanding the first step.

Sobriety

In order to get better, the addict needs several things. One of them is a period of sobriety in which they are not activating the reward system of the brain through ANY addictive substances or behaviors. Since dopamine and other neurotransmitters have been affected, most addicts that I've seen over the years need another chemical source of help--antidepressants--in order to feel good enough to make it through that critical first year of sobriety.

Sobering Thoughts

I recently attended a substance abuse conference in which Dr. Michael Dennis, senior research psychologist and director of Chestnut Health Systems in Bloomington IL, spoke about the realities of drug dependency. Dr. Dennis was the coordinating center principal investigator of the largest adolescent treatment experiment to date in the United States, the Cannabis Youth Treatment (CYT) study. He has many more very impressive credentials. Some of the sobering thoughts that he said include:

• The younger a person is when they begin using drugs, the longer the person uses drugs in their lifetime. Early use is highly correlated with dependency.
• On average, most substance abusing teenagers are in treatment for two months. This is not enough for the vast majority of teens who are classified as having a substance abuse or substance dependent disorder.
• The average adult substance abuser takes three or four treatment episodes over a period of nine years to achieve one consecutive year of sobriety.

Knowing that, parents of teenagers ought to get a thorough drug and alcohol evaluation (including a SASSI-A2 assessment) with a licensed substance abuse specialist and FOLLOW the treatment recommendations made by that specialist. So much heartache could be avoided if parents would take the recommendations seriously.

Being of Service

Being of service is good for the soul. A client of mine lost her daughter in a car accident. She decided that no parent should have to go through such a sorrow. So, she volunteers her spare time teaching teens how to be careful drivers. "I don't have to focus on my loss. When I'm helping others, I'm helping myself," she said to me. Another client lost her sister to breast cancer. She donates money, time, and energy to breast cancer awareness.

And medical scientists are beginning to discover the same thing that my clients already know--in helping others they are also helping themselves.  The field of PNI (psychoneuroimmunology) researches the power of the mind to influence health and healing. Did you know that just watching a movie about kindness and being of service can strengthen your immune response? Startling! The now-famous study from Harvard measured antibodies in students before and after watching movies of Mother Teresa at work helping the homeless in India. The antibody that was measured, IgA,  helps the body to defend against infection.

My mother contributed to many charities, helped families in her neighborhood, and made over 200 quilts in the last decade of her life. It became her passion to send these beautiful quilts to poor families all over the world. She was never happier than when she was sewing quilts for others.

Try it! There are dozens of opportunities to be of service all over your area. What calls to you? Do you have a skill, a passion, knowledge that you would like to share with others? Find a use for it. Be of service and watch how your life changes for the better.

There's a reason that the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous includes making amends and carrying the message to others (being of service) as an essential step in recovery. It keeps the alcoholic clean and sober. It also raises his self esteem. Instead of the self-serving behaviors of his past, he (or she) is now willing to give to others.

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations."   - George Bernard Shaw