Stress Relief

I was looking at my list of things to do yesterday wondering how I was going to get everything done. Sometimes I do more than what I can reasonably handle. And I know I'm not alone in feeling the stresses and pressures of daily life. Every day in counseling I see people who are stressed, anxious, nervous, pressured, and burned out. Life can certainly be stressful for all of us.

Slow down and relax for a moment.

We are all seeking solutions to problems in life.  But it's important to take the time to recognize stress and the body’s need to relax, even if the pace in your life is not slowing down. Guided meditations and breathing techniques can help give you simple ways to relax, even if for just a few quick minutes in the middle of a busy day.

Count your breaths.

The easiest way to start off when practicing guided relaxation is to count your breaths as you inhale and exhale. You don't need to do a lot. Start with five.  After all, our lives are busy.  Breathwork that involves inhaling through your nose as deeply as you can, will help your body start to relax. Hold this breath and then let it out slowly through your nose. Your heart rate will start to slow down and your muscles will start to relax. When learning relaxation meditation, remember to have a focus for the meditation, such as on your breathing.

Recognize and dismiss thoughts.

During relaxation meditation, all kinds of thoughts will come to mind. As you learn to recognize these thoughts and then dismiss them, your meditation will go deeper.  This is one of the main reasons why you will want to choose a quiet place for meditation where you will not be interrupted by the normal sounds of your life when you are teaching yourself how to to do this. Meditation for beginners can be frustrating when you can’t seem to get it right the first time. Just hang in there.

Stay focused on your breathing.

The key is to stay focused on meditating and to focus on your breathing techniques. The thoughts of frustration are ones that can take over and ruin relaxation methods for you. One great practice in meditation for beginners learning how to relax is to concentrate on the parts of the body. Start with your toes and focus on them as you feel them relax. Then move upward concentrating for a few minutes on each body part and how it relaxes. As you get to your head, your body will be completely relaxed. Ahhhhhh. It feels so good.

If meditation is not for you, don't worry.

The reason I like using The Wild Divine, a biofeedback tool designed to aid in the learning of relaxation and meditation, is because it's easy to sit at the computer and watch "a video game." (It's really not a video game, but it looks like one.) I find The Wild Divine works well with beginners, children, and people who suffer from anxiety. So, if the breathing and meditation techniques aren't helpful for you, use The Wild Divine instead. Biofeedback is a simple, but powerful tool that helps you to communicate with your body. You'll wear finger cuffs which measure your skin temperature and allows you to move through levels of the games. You can watch the demo below and see what I mean. Be well.

10 Quick Anger Management Techniques

Need some help right now? Here are some proven techniques that can help.

1.    The 72-hour letter.

Write a letter that you do not send….at least not for three days. Get your feelings out. Vent. Fume. Explode. But only on paper. This is a great stress reliever that I love. If you absolutely must send the letter, have someone else  (like your therapist, counselor, pastor, or best friend) read it first. This is often a good first step.

2.    Give yourself a “timeout.”

Go do something else. Go somewhere else. Get your mind focused on something else. Play some music you love. Give it a rest. Get some space. Do not be in the physical presence of the person who is pushing your buttons. Get away from that person. Go outside or to the grocery store and push a cart around for an hour.

3.    Resist the temptation to get wasted, drunk, or loaded.

Self-destructive habits won't help you in the long run. In most cases, these habits will make things worse. We do stupid things when we're wasted.

4.    Get some exercise.

Hard physical exercise will help the adrenaline overload that frequently occurs when we’re angry. You’ve heard the urban legend about how a little grandma lifted a heavy car to save her trapped son who was underneath the car?  That’s the adrenaline fight-flight response. We need physical activity to burn off the extra energy. People tell me that some of their best workouts occurred when they were angry. They could run faster, climb higher, lift more weights, and feel more exhausted afterward. It's good and it helps a lot.

5. Brainstorm for solutions.

If the problem is still nagging at you and you feel like you just can't let it go, write down at least three possible solutions to the problem. Go over the solutions with a third party who wants what is best for you., such as your therapist or best friend.  Read about "your legitimate rights" and talk about them with another person.

6.    Use humor.

Watch a funny movie. Read jokes. Hang out with your funny friend who always cheers you up. Get some emotional distance from the situation by making a joke about it. This is how comedians get their best material....from painful situations that they could eventually joke about.

7.    Practice relaxation skills.

Do some breathwork. Listen to a hypnosis CD. What is relaxing for you? What puts you "in the zone?" Some people may want to watch a yoga DVD and practice the deep relaxation at the end. B-R-E-A-T-H-E.

8.     Let it go.

Let it go. Don't hold a grudge. Let it go. When your mind is tempted to ruminate over the same situation, say, “Stop!” Change the subject in your mind. Holding a grudge won't help you and it certainly doesn't hurt the other person.

9.    Use “I statements.”

When describing the problem, own your part. “I feel upset when you….” Own the fact that you are angering yourself. No one else can make you feel upset, hurt, little, or insignificant without your permission. Doing this will help you to claim your power over your feelings.

10.    Talk about it later.

Express your feelings when you’re no longer angry. “Yesterday I felt disappointed when…” In this way you’ll prevent yourself from exploding, yelling, blaming, criticizing, or doing something totally irrational. When we’re no longer angry, we don’t say things like, “I’m furious….” It’s more likely to be heard by the other person when you’re saying something less frightening. People don’t become quite as defensive when you say something less toxic. So, it’s OK to say that you were disappointed or hurt or irritated. But you may not get a sympathetic response either way. So, don’t expect it.

Some of these techniques will work better for you than others. Pick and choose. One time you may need one thing; another time another thing. Practice, practice, practice. Remember that your brain's chemistry is off when you're angry. And that's not fixed overnight. So, give it some time.

Relaxation Techniques

Relaxation techniques are a form of stress protection and can help you to enjoy a better quality of life. These relaxation techniques are so much more than sitting in front of the tv, enjoying a hobby, or talking with friends. The techniques in this article have been proven to help decrease the wear and tear of life's challenges on your mind and body. They will help to reduce anxiety and depression.

Benefits of Relaxation

• Slowing your heart rate
• Lowering blood pressure
• Slowing your breathing rate
• Reducing the need for oxygen
• Increasing blood flow to major muscles
• Reducing muscle tension
• Fewer physical symptoms, such as headaches and back pain
• Fewer emotional responses, such as anger and frustration
• More energy
• Improved concentration
• Greater ability to handle problems
• More efficiency in daily activities

Types of Relaxation

• Yoga
• Tai chi
• Breathwork
• Listening to Music
• Exercise
• Meditation
• Hypnosis
• Massage
• Biofeedback

Even looking at a beautiful photo can help to relax you. It doesn't matter which form of relaxation you use. What matters is that you do something for stress protection often.

Anxiety–The Traits That Keep You Stuck

People who are prone to anxiety tend to share certain personality traits. Some of these traits are positive--such as empathetic, sensitive, creative, intuitive, and amiable. These are the traits that endear these people to their friends and relatives.

Other traits tend to aggravate anxiety and interfere with relationships. These traits are:

• Perfectionism
• An excessive need for control
• A tendency to ignore the signs of stress
• An excessive need for approval

Let's look at these traits more closely. Perhaps you can start to identify, work with, and change these traits that provoke your anxiety.

Perfectionism

Perhaps you're overly concerned with small flaws and mistakes in yourself and/or others. You may have expectations about yourself, others, and life that are just unrealistically high. When anything falls short of those expectations, you feel disappointed and perhaps become critical. Nothing is ever good enough. And you perhaps drive yourself to the point of stress, exhaustion, and even burnout. Your self esteem suffers. You don't value yourself.

Tips for Perfectionists:

• Recognize your thinking errors. Are you using the words "should, must, ought, have to, or got to" in your thoughts (e.g., "I should be able to do this." "I must not make a mistake."
• Let go of the idea that your worth is determined by your accomplishments. You're not a human doing, you're a human being.
• Stop magnifiying the importance of small errors. We all make them. Let it go!
• Focus on what's right. A positive point of view can really help in this area.
• Make your goals realistic.

The Need to Control

You want life to be predictable. This is the opposite of faith; trusting the process of life. And you probably have very good reasons for not trusting the flow of life. But, if you want to eliminate anxiety and be more happy, you're going to have to let go of this need to control.

Tips for Control Freaks:

Here are some practical strategies that can work for you. Keep in mind that the cultivation of these strategies take time.

• Cultivate patience. When I'm in a hurry, out shopping and in a long line, I use this silent affirmation: "I'm practicing my patience virtue." For me, this is a good time to check the voice mail on my cell phone, read a magazine, tell myself positive thoughts, and perhaps think about what I'm going to prepare for dinner.
• Trusting that most problems eventually work themselves out. We don't know what the future holds for us, so it's best to choose to trust life.
• Acceptance. This is big. A sense of humor will help with this. Very often things don't go our way. And that's OK. (By the way, those are the precise words that I tell myself--"That's OK.") If you have the irrational belief that things ought to be a certain way, you're in trouble. You're swimming against the current of life, and you're going to get hurt. Learn to go with the flow and accept things the way they are.
• Developing your spirituality. In AA, we talk about "Let go, and let God." Learning to trust a power higher than yourself can help in this area. Another way that spirituality can help is learning to trust that there is a larger purpose in life beyond what we can see. Things happen for a reason, although we may not know why they happen.

Ignoring the Signs of Stress

Many people with anxiety disorders have a long history of ignoring the physical and psychological signs of stress. They push themselves unreasonably, and it eventually catches up with them. Are you ignoring tension in your muscles (jaw, shoulders, forehead), upset in your stomach (bowels included), or fatigue? Are you sleeping enough? Do you have mood swings? Do you feel overwhelmed?

Tips for Noticing the Signs of Stress:

Get in touch with your body. It may have some message to give to you.

• Breathwork can be very helpful. Go to the related article on this web site and read how to do this.
• Relaxation Techniques that can help include meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, bodywork, and massage. See the related articles at the bottom of this page.
• Assertiveness training can be very helpful.
• Develop your sense of humor. Watch funny movies, read funny jokes and books, laugh and have fun!

The Need for Approval

Yes, we all need approval. But the person with anxiety seems to have an excessive need for approval. If you're overly concerned with approval, you will need to address your inner sense of feeling unworthy or somehow flawed. You may be the ultimate pleaser.

Tips for Pleasers:

• Look at the thinking errors that lead to an excessive need for approval. They could be as unrealistic as "If people really knew me, they wouldn't like me." to "If someone doesn't seem friendly to me, it's because I did something wrong."
• Learn to look at criticism objectively. My mother always said, "First consider the source." Do you value that person's opinion? Is this person qualified to make an objective criticism of your work, your skills, your traits? If so, ask for specific details. Decide whether or not it has validity, then decide if it's a good opportunity for you to learn something new.
• Recognize your codependency. And then let it go. A need to be needed can only cause you sorrow. Learn to shift the focus to yourself rather than always having a focus on others.

As you can probably tell, addressing these four traits is a process, a journey of self discovery. This journey will go a bit faster if you do it with a therapist.

Meditation for Stress Reduction

What do you think of when meditation is mentioned?  Buddhist monks sitting in monasteries on mountaintops? That’s what I pictured. Did you know that more than 1,000 scientific articles have been published on the subject of meditation? Impressive research tells us that meditation induces a sense of well-being and emotional balance. It helps to reduce the body’s reaction to stress. And let’s face it. Stress is a killer.

Researchers at the Maharishi School of Management in Fairfield, Iowa, found that meditation has an enormous impact on stress reduction. When they examined a group who had meditated for four months they saw that they produced less of the stress hormone cortisol. They were therefore better able to adapt to stress in their lives, no matter what their circumstances were.

So, just what is meditation? I would say that it is focused attention on reality. It's connecting with all that is and being in the present moment. It's deep relaxation however you want to do it--whether you're walking, running, cycling, sitting in a yoga class, lying on your bed or being mindful of the present moment as you do the dishes. I find breathwork the easiest process to enter this focused attention.

Psychological Benefits

• Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation
• Increased happiness
• Increased emotional stability
• Decreased anxiety
• Decreased depression
• Greater creativity
• Decreased irritability and moodiness
• Improved learning ability and memory
• Increased insight and wisdom

Physiological benefits

• Deep rest (as measured by decreased metabolic rate, and lower heart rate)
• Lowered levels of cortisol and lactate (two chemicals associated with stress)
• Improved blood pressure
• Drop in cholesterol levels
• Improved flow of air to the lungs
• Significant slowing of the aging process

Give meditation a try. You'll find that you will value yourself more and come back to it again and again.

Stress Protection

The stresses associated with daily living can add up. People who experience chronic work stress are 68 percent more likely to have coronary heart disease. 68 Percent! This was one of the findings of a 12-year study conducted through University College London. Also contributing to stress are lifestyle habits such as poor diet, smoking, alcohol consumption and a negative attitude.

Over time, stress disturbs the autonomic nervous system (that system of your body that controls involuntary bodily functions). This can cause "cardiac instability."

Stress is a killer

In a study conducted at the University of Iowa, researchers found that police officers have twice the rate of cardiovascular disease than that of the general population. They attribute this to the day-to-day stress of their jobs.

Becoming less stressed

What you want to do is promote  parasympathetic system dominance. In simple terms, that means feeling less stressed. When our sympathetic system is dominant (the fight-flight response), our bodies wear out.

Techniques that promote parasympathetic nervous system dominance include:

• Listening to relaxing music

• A long bath with the door locked—especially combined with music, and candles.

• Bodywork involves some form of touching, energetic work or the physical manipulation of the body—massasge, reiki, yoga, Feldenkrais, rolfing

• Get out into nature

• Locomotion in nature—walking, skiing, rowing, running, hiking

• Exercise--like dancing, treadmill, basketball, swimming

• Breathwork

Equally important is good nutrition. It's so important for stress management to eat healthy foods and stay away from junk food--like soda pop, sugar, "empty calories." Your body will thank you.

Stress can impact your health. So, it's important to add stress protection to your life every day. Carving out time to relax is important!  See our articles on relaxation, breathwork, and meditation.

Breathwork

B-R-E-A-T-H-E!

"If I had to limit my advice on healthier living to just one tip, it would be simply to learn how to breathe correctly. From my own experience and from working with patients, I have come to believe that proper breathing is the master key to good health."

- Andrew Weil, M.D., author of Natural Health, Natural Medicine

Breathwork has a powerful effect on our health and emotional well-being. In study after study, researchers have found that correct breathing can help and even cure panic attacks, migraine headaches, chronic pain, high blood pressure, anxiety, coronary heart disease, hot flashes, and asthma! We can also use the breath as an entry point into meditation.

Breathing is the only major function in the body that is both involuntary and voluntary. Through conscious breathing we can access and influence the fight-flight sympathetic nervous system. We can reduce the body's reaction to stress, live longer, and be calm and relaxed. In fact, it's just impossible to be anxious, upset, or fearful if your breathing is slow, deep, and regular.

With every breath that you take, you are telling your body through your breath to either tense up with fear or relax into serenity.When you are immersed in fear and anxiety, you use a shallow or tense breath.

When you choose a deep relaxed breath, you are telling your body to open up, relax, be healthy, digest its food so that you can absorb nutrients, allow your heart to feel happy and move your brain into clarity of thought.

Different Types of Breathing Exercises

Breathing exercises become essential as you get older because age does reduce the level of oxygen in your lungs. When you only take shallow breaths, as you do in normal breathing, you will eventually notice stiffness in your rib cage as the muscles surrounding the diaphragm start to lose their elasticity. This causes stale air to build up in your lungs that is composed mostly of carbon dioxide.

Rapid shallow breathing also leads to heart disease after a number of years or excessive feelings of tiredness. Breathing exercises to cleanse the stale air in your lungs should be practiced on a daily basis. You do not need to set aside a long period of time for this – five to ten minutes is sufficient. You can do the exercises when you wake in the morning or just before you go to sleep at night.

In fact, if you engage in these exercises when you go to bed, they will help your muscles relax making it a lot easier for you to fall asleep and get a good night’s rest. You should lie flat on your back to do breathing exercises. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. If you need to, place some small pillows under your neck and knees so that you spine is straight. As you breathe naturally, take notice of the rise and fall of your chest and abdomen.

Lay your hands on your stomach, just below your rib cage where your diaphragm is located. The lungs do extend down to this point. Take in a deep breath until you feel your lungs reaching down to this point. A helpful tip to let you know when the lungs extend to this point is to place your hands so that the tips of your middle fingers are slightly touching each other.

As you take a deep breath and your lungs expand, your fingers will start to move apart. In true breathing exercises let the muscles of your stomach relax and feel it filling with air. Once you feel as if your belly is full, let the air expand your chest and lungs. As you let the breath out slowly, you will feel your stomach start to pull inwards forcing out the last bit of air.

You can also do humming breathing exercises in which you make a humming sound as you exhale slowly. By concentrating on your breathing and humming each time you exhale, you will experience a feeling of relaxation in all parts of your body. Chinese breathing exercises involve taking short breaths. To do this exercise you take three short breaths in through your nose without exhaling between them.

For the first inhalation, lift your arms out from your sides so that they stand out in front of you at shoulder height. On the third inhalation, open your arms out to your sides, still keeping them at the same height. When you take in the third inhalation, lift your arms up over your head. Then as you exhale, you bring your arms back to the starting position by your sides.

You should not take more than twelve breaths in this exercise because it can cause you to feel lightheaded. One caution about this form of breathing exercise is that you should only engage in this exercise when you are in a sitting position. It could cause you to hyperventilate if you are standing or lying down.

The poet Rumi wrote: "There is one way of breathing which is shameful and constricted. Then there' s another way: a breath of love that takes you all the way to Infinity."